It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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