I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
