the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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