You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
