Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
