THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
