Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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