I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
