do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
