I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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