That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
