I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
