Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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