so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
