in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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