i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
