Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
