I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
