Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
