Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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