everyone is single if you try hard enough
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
