I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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