I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
