Your dad touched me again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
