There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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