I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
