it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
