did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
