You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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