I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it was like eating out sand paper
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
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I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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