She is in my trunk
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
