I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
