I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
