True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
