we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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