I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
