Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
