D3 body, D1 cock
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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