uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
