she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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