Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
