We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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