At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
