Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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