im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
