we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
