I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
