we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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