i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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