u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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