If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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