the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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