Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
