battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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