you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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