Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
