All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
