I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
