Soap is not a condiment
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
