All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
