your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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