i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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