idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize