i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
