This is not my ceiling
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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