really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
