I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
