Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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