I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do vagina's smell?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
New vibrator arrived today.
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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