So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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