I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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