Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
