She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
