Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
