It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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