Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
