'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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