we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
