If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
