Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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